“I deny denying my denial. I deny it. I deny denying it. I deny denying that I denied it. My denial is undeniable. WE WILL BE LEAVING THE EU ON OCTOBER 31 – DO OR DENY!!!” #BorisJohnson #Brexit

Unfuck The World

It’s unlikely to find favor in Westminster, as my figure is based on maths, but here’s my idea for the side of a bus in the next UK Gen Election: Abolish All MPs: Give 1M A Week to NHS! (650 MPs x GBP80,000 annual MP salary = 52M p/a or 1M a week). Spurious line of argument: proroguing parliament NOT to deliver No Deal Brexit but to give 1M a week to the NHS.

Mogg

I may be tempted to think proroguing parliament was a bold strategic move if those responsible for it were not hell-bent on denying it had anything at all to do with Brexit. Takes the credit right out of it!

All This For What?

Today in Hong Kong it was 9 degrees hotter than it was in London and thousands of people staged a peaceful sit in protest inside Asia’s busiest airport. Number of planes that did not take off on time: zero.

Meanwhile in the UK… planes and trains have melted, combusted or ground to a precautionary health and safety standstill with passengers trapped on board or stranded by the apocalyptic chaos. Sky News broadcasting blanket coverage of London burning. Close ups of Londoners resembling sweaty extras on The Walking Dead complaining of missed connections, hot burning sensations, melted shoes, suspicious smells suggesting exploded sewage systems, screaming kids and snotty faces. Let’s hope those 20,000 extra bobbies Bojo’s pledged will be put to immediate good use, precision trained in the art of handing out water, sunscreen and pro-Bojo flyers that can be easily adapted into paper hats, fans and planes that take off on time.

Bogus Bojo's Brexcellent Adventure

“We’re Through the Looking Glass Here, Dudes!!!”

And so it begins… I must be hallucinating, right?

#90s Time Warp #Bogus Bojo’s Brexcellent Adventure! #Dude or Die

Little did she know where he’d end up (the less amusing half of a comedy double-act with a dead kipper).

What’s in a name?

Well, Boris promises to:

Deliver

Unite

Defeat

Energize

In fact, as PM he will be:

Shambolic

Hopeless

Irresponsible

Two-faced

shit

(But he’s probably not the worst shit in British politics.)