Crazy scenes across Hong Kong for the past few months as the panic buying craze spread faster than the virus. Supermarkets and pharmacies stripped bare. Even things like toothpaste (?) Like brushing your teeth was going to put Omicron off! “Sorry, mate, your breath stinks like stale dog biscuits. I’m going to infect the woman behind you instead. Unlike you, she flosses, too,” Omicron didn’t say.

Last month, Home Kong Kitchen volunteer Mojo Hobo Kaye launched his campaign to ‘Make Hong Kong Barely Tolerable Again‘ by urging Hongkongers to ‘Stop the Woofing Panic Buying!’ He then stole and fraudulently used my credit card to purchase himself a new baseball cap emblazoned with his slogan. Yesterday, Carrie Lam announced that she would not be running for a second term as Chief Executive. Government sources refused to confirm or deny whether Mojo had influenced her decision. However, Junius Ho warned that Mojo’s hat might have contravened the National Security Law. Police are still investigating whether the poodle colluded with foreign forces when he purchased the cap on Amazon.

The empty shelves, soaring food prices and tough restrictions have been making things trickier at Home Kong Kitchen. But thanks to the dogged determination of HKK‘s incredible volunteers, we have somehow managed to keep operating and delivering home baked breakfasts, dry foods, canned foods and medical supplies to the homeless, migrants and refugees. Thanks to everyone who has generously contributed! Every humble delivery of just a few necessities has felt like a mini-miracle. We are now collecting gifts of food, clothing, books, toys and festive treats for our Easter Bun Run and would LOVE to have your support! Email hello@homekongkitchen.com to find out how you can help! 

https://homekongkitchen.com

Double Trouble, Double Vision and Double Dutch collided today when my 3 Terrifying Short Stories about the deranged, sleep-deprived new parents of twins were published in the spectacularly festive edition of the South China Morning Post‘s Post Magazine! It was a deranged way to end a deranged year in which pumping out deranged humor columns for RTHK Radio 3, the SCMP and the odd anthology has been the only thing keeping me SANE (ish). The stories are a complete fabrication. I’ve only hijacked a plane once and I was SLEEPWALKING then so missed the fun part, only waking up for my arrest!

Thanks to editor Chris Wood, Dave Besseling and the SCMP artist who brought the stories to life with eye-catching illustrations! The magazine version was waaaaaayyyyy cooler, but you can still read the online version here: https://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/long-reads/article/3159075/3-terrifying-almost-true-new-parent-stories-hong

Tomorrow I’m back on recording the comedy podcast version!

I went Trick or Treating last Saturday delivering delicious home baked muffins to the elderly in a square in Kwun Tong and at their homes close by! The muffins were baked by Home Kong Kitchen‘s resident patissier, Alana Ho, and our most prolific home baker Chriz Abert! Thanks to my friends at Amigos HK who arranged this sweet treat! The trick part was that elderlies who’d been vaccinated received an extremely cheeky complimentary poodle! 😂

Week 11 and my Cantonese is coming on thanks to the infinite patience of my tutor! In some ways, Cantonese is an easy language to learn because there are no tenses and everything is related to eating. In other ways it is fraught with flashing neon danger signs. Slight changes in intonation result in wildly different meanings. For example, ‘Gau’ is the number 9… and also dog… and also something too rude to mention.

Which totally explains the constipated expression on my vet’s face when I’ve been making innocent conversation about the welfare of my dog…

You filthy gau!
Just pop in to your local vet’s!

Another amazing accolade from my friends in the migrant community: a certificate of recognition from Bethune House for being Top Fundraiser canvassing for their Coins for Bethune appeal! Delivering breakfast to the residents of Bethune House is one of the highlights of my week and I could not be prouder to support their inspirational work sheltering migrants in need!🙏 🙏🏽 🙏🏿

Thanks to everybody @HomeKongKitchen (especially Mojo who did most of the dog work) who gave so generously to support this brilliant initiative raising funding for migrants in Hong Kong! 💜 💜 💜

https://bethunehouse.org

https://www.facebook.com/BethuneHouse/

https://homekongkitchen.com

Home Kong Kitchen‘s cheeky mascot Mojo has been awarded 1st Place for his efforts canvassing for Bethune House Women Migrant’s Refuge with his Coins For Bethune appeal. Many generous individual campaigners and community groups took part in the fundraising initiative but Mojo (with a little help from Home Kong Kitchen‘s incredible community of human donators) somehow managed to raise the most cash! What a Pup Star!

4 legs are clearly better than 2 when it comes to enticing passers-by to part with loose change. Mojo himself is currently unavailable for comment as I just kicked him out to negotiate me a better mortgage with HSBC. He will be handling all my financial affairs from now on. But he did ask me to convey his delight at having been made a woofbassador for Bethune House.

Thanks to everybody who supported this brilliant initiative to raise funding for migrants in need! 💛 💛 💛

They never met. But if they had, they’d have looked like this… 💜