A last chance to appreciate the very great honor of having been ranked #1 for Comedy in Hong Kong by ReverbNation for the past 5 years.
Maybe it was my bipolar that caused me to do it? Maybe it was the mood of collective irresponsibility that’s been sweeping Hong Kong? But I did it anyway. After receiving one (of nineteen) too many daily emails inviting me to pay USD$92 to submit my ‘music’ to the Online Farmsounds Music Festival, I snapped and deleted my ReverbNation account.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” ReverbNation counseled me. “Yes”
“Do you understand that if you do this, you won’t be able to recover your account?” ReverbNation cautioned me. “Yes”
“Do you understand that if you do this, all your stats, ratings and links will automatically expire?” ReverbNation warned me. “Yes”
“Did you know that you are ranked #1 for Comedy in Hong Kong?” ReverbNation changed tack, clearly alarmed by my unwavering determination to commit social media suicide. “Yes”
“Have you remembered to take your meds today?” ReverbNation reverted to concern. “Yes. Yes! YES!!!” I tapped manically.
It was only after purging my mac of every notification I had ever received from ReverbNation that I discovered I had also deleted 14,498 faithful followers: exciting, contemporary bands with names like #BatShitMetalFreak and #IPlayTunesOnSpoons. I wondered what they were doing. Probably applying to the Online Farmsounds Music Festival, I decided. Feeling inexplicably left out, I googled the Online Farmsounds Music Festival. They were only interested in country music. I didn’t much rate #BatShitMetalFreak’s or #IPlayTunesOnSpoons chances. Maybe it was worth paying the USD$92 to see if they fancied a Hong Kong horoscope?
14,498 faithful followers deleted. I felt a flicker of self-doubt. Had I remembered to take my meds today? I doubted that, too. At least I still had my Soundcloud fanbase. I logged into Soundcloud. 22 unfaithful followers stared back at me. 4 friends, 1 ex-stalker, 1 ex-mother-in-law, 14 randoms, my psychiatrist and The Dog.
To add pain to my punishment, I then had to manually delete 11,000 (out of 11,001) thrilling tweets automatically generated by ReverbNation documenting my historical radio slots, then every post I had ever not posted myself on the Miss Adventure Facebook Page, which was all of them.
Looking at my empty social media profiles, my index finger throbbing and badly deformed by repetitive strain injury, I felt naked, exposed, the least successful local comic since Chris Patten. Out of morbid curiosity, I checked how many other comedy producers I’d out-ranked on ReverbNation for the past 5 years were based in Hong Kong. There was only one: SadiK aye, who’d never uploaded anything and couldn’t even be bothered to spell her own name, but ReverbNation had outrageously credited as “Lead Vocalist – Miss Adventure Band”.
10 minutes and 3 mood swings later, I felt a deep sense of peace.