The Dream On episode of my monthly humour column for RTHK Radio 3 just woke up sweating and shouting on VYP! This one’s a living nightmare and features my a funny turn by my partner in crime Philippe Joly. Sharp Pains will be back with brand new material and a few new bells and whistles in the Lunar New Year! Kung Hei Fat Choi! The soothsayers all agree we will be at it like rabbits in 2023.
Catch me on Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Skyler Jett‘s Music for Global Change podcast Feb 21! God only knows what the lead vocalist of the legendary Commodores wants with me (unless it’s Bake Fail tips?) but I’m excited to be a guest on his broadcast! Plus, once he has interviewed me, he has agreed to let me interview him on one of my podcasts. In case you are interested, our conversation went like this: “Hello? Is it me you’re looking for? Or have you made some catastrophic error?”
The 21st Women in Publishing Society anthology Imprint 21 will launch on International Women’s Day (March 9) at the FCC as part of the 2023 Hong Kong International Literary Festival! My recipe for disaster A Piece of Cake is among the contributions. I originally wrote and performed it as an episode of Sharp Pains, which broadcasted on RTHK Radio 3 as Bake Fail and was published in the South China Morning Post April 2022. Bake Fail was an Official Select of the 2022 On Air Fest in Brooklyn, New York, nominated for Moment of Comedy Gold by the 2022 International Women’s Podcast Awards and among the columns long-listed by the 2023 Comedy Women in Print Prize (shortlist TBA Feb 23). You can hear me performing it as a podcast below!
Also launching at the 2023 HK Lit Fest is A Book of Changes, although we haven’t been allocated a slot for that yet (probably at the Fringe Club). More anthology updates soon!
My dystopian short story Toot has just landed on on Amazon! It was published in the 2022 Hong Kong Writers Circle anthology, A Book of Changes. The anthology officially launches at the 2023 Hong Kong International Literary Festival in March, but you can download it as an ebook or order in paperback now!
Just as I thought my post-apocalyptic 2022 was finally over and done with, I received this news alert at 11.59pm on New Year’s Eve: https://www.postapocalypticmedia.com/announcing-the-post-apocalyptic-short-story-writing-contest-winners-for-2022/
Thank you Post-Apocalyptic Media for making my dystopian horror/ love story The Opposite of Truth a runner up in your 2022 Short Story Contest! This was my first dabble in a genre outside of my comedy comfort zone and I was nervous about how it might be received. So even though I didn’t win, I feel happy as a zombie at a blood bank to have been placed anywhere!
Happy New Year, amigos! Wishing you all a joyous and apocalypse-free 2023!
Sharp Pains has been longlisted by Farrago Books for Ab Fab legend Helen Lederer‘s 2022-2023 Comedy Women in Print Prize! I am beyond elated and utterly flabbergasted to have crept onto this list in the company of so many awe-inspiring witty women writers! Thank you sooooo much to the CWIP judges, the South China Morning Post for publishing my 3 terrifying short stories, which formed the basis for my entry, and RTHK for the opportunity to experiment with the columns as podcasts. Helen Lederer’s involvement is the icing on the cakey, giving me an absolutely fabulous excuse to gratuitously tag Absolutely Fabulous on this post! Merry Christmas!
This is how Home Kong wraps Christmas! Thanks to all of Home Kong Kitchen‘s volunteers for spreading much needed festive cheer to the most vulnerable in the form of staple foods, clothing, toys and delectable sweet treats! Special shout out to Deepa Tolani for loaning me her driver yesterday and making our festive run for the migrant women of Bethune House so pleasurable. Merry Christmas, everybody!
It’s a wrap! Finito! Done! Thanks to the magnificent Resolve Foundation for the opportunity to serve as a mentor on this year’s fellowship. It’s been a wild ride and I have loved every minute of it. Most of all, thank you for matching me as a mentor with the dynamo of creativity and enthusiasm that is Eny Bawse! The fellowship may have ended, but our collaborations are only just getting started! I could not be prouder of Eny for all she has achieved and all that I know she will go on to achieve with her talent, wit, drive and inspired Self-Love Cupid project.
To support Resolve‘s work empowering community leaders to bring about social change, click here!
Thank you to everyone who braved the filthy weather and turned down Thanksgiving to show up at Mind HK‘s poetry event Poetry for Mental Health: The Healing Power of Words in SoHo last night! The event was part of a week-long exhibition More Than A Label: I Was. I Am. I Will Be. I felt quite emotional after reading my poem, listening to the stories of the two other poets, the incredible Vish and Derek, and chatting about the stigma of mental illness in Hong Kong. There was an overwhelming amount of love in the air at the intimate event at the uber-cute gallery on Lyndhurst Street. I can’t wait for the next one!
Thanks to Mind for the endless encouragement, opportunity to read, and for curating such a powerful exhibition of letters and artwork. I loved reading every single one of the letters on display and the psychedelic 3D artwork of Mind HK ambassadors’ brains! Thanks especially to Odile for emceeing and sharing her own insightful observations. If you’ve not already seen it, you’ve still got a chance! The exhibition is open until Monday.
I will be reading one of my strange experimental poems at a poetry event organised by Mind HK in Central Nov 24! The Healing Power of Words is part of an exhibition of art and letters by Mind HK ambassadors to celebrate the first anniversary of the charity’s More Than A Label anti-stigma campaign. Please join me and support Mind! I’m not really a poet but I will be pretending to be one by shouting and wearing a hat.
I am away with the fairies that two of my strange experimental poems have received places in the 2022 Proverse Poetry Prize and will be published in Chinese University Press and Proverse Publishing‘s anthology Mingled Voices 7. The anthology will be launched at the Proverse Spring Reception April 27, 2023. The winners and finalists were announced last night at the Proverse Autumn Reception at the Helena May. You can catch me reading one of them at a poetry event organised by Mind HK this coming Thursday! Click here for the lowdown!
The Foot In It episode of my RTHK Radio 3 and SCMP humour column, Sharp Pains, has just flown out of my mouth and trodden on VYP! PS. I’ve got nothing to do with the choosing of photos on VYP. My choice would be the one below.
Excited to be taking part in mental health charity Mind HK‘s exhibition of art, poetry and letters de-stigmatising mental health. The exhibition is a celebration of the first anniversary of the charity’s More Than A Label campaign and the theme is ‘I Was. I Am. I Will Be‘. I was, I am and I will be contributing a letter to my younger self, which will be among the many letters and artwork by Mind HK ambassadors on display. Please support! The exhibition is free to attend!
The exhibition will be held at 5, Sun Fung Mansion, 52-60 Lyndhurst Terrace, Central, Hong Kong Nov 21-28. Details below!
The Moody Foodie will be making a return to the South China Morning Post as a spoof columnist and digestive supplement. After accidentally being published in the Food and Drink section of the SCMP’s Post Magazine TWICE (!!), I have been cooking up ideas with foodie editor Charmaine Mok for a tasteless new column. After my first offering was deemed “too outlandish” (I know, I know – shocking), we have concocted a recipe we hope has legs and a strong stomach. I’m not going to spoil the surprise by revealing the ingredients, but consider this a warning that you may soon need a bigger bucket…
The story behind this year’s HKWC anthology, A Book of Changes, has been a lot more dramatic than anything you are likely to read inside! Hats off to the editors who have somehow kept their sanity. My dystopian short story, Toot, is a bit of a departure from the usual stuff I write and I am excited to see it in print! The anthology will launch at the 2023 Hong Kong International Lit Fest March 2023 but be uploaded to Amazon shortly before. Sneak peak of the cover art below!
Also launching in March 2023 is the Women in Publishing Society‘s anthology Imprint 21, which will be held at the Foreign Correspondents Club. A couple of my humorous short stories are buried deep inside, like splinters of smashed Heiniken bottles nestled amongst precious emeralds…
More anthology news TBA Nov 18!
Transference has officially ‘gone viral‘!!! It has now exceeded 17M views on YouTube. I am lucky to have had the opportunity to co-produce this indie film with Raff, Contro Vento Films and Mental Ideas! Stay tuned for more film and TV collaborations! #mentalhealthmatters #controventofilms #mentalideas
Happy to be taking part in Mind HK‘s anti-stigma campaign More Than A Label‘s first anniversary event; ‘More Than A Label: I Was, I Am, I Will Be‘, an exhibition of art, poetry and letters by Mind HK ambassadors aimed at de-stigmatising mental health, which will be open to the public Nov 21 – Nov 28. The exhibition will be held at 5, Sun Fung Mansion, 52-60 Lyndhurst Terrace, Central, Hong Kong Nov 21-28. More details soon!
Some of my previous ‘rants’ about mental health!
I love tea. Some might say I’m something of a tea connoisseur. Milk and two sugars, please! But I love tea. And also making famous people make me tea when I’m bored. Here’s one I brewed earlier…
Congratulations Bethune House Migrant Women’s Refuge on reaching your 36th Anniversary! Thank you for inviting me to celebrate with you and the surprise certificate (which I share with everybody in my small but perfectly formed team at Home Kong Kitchen). The work Bethune House and the Mission for Migrant Workers does protecting the human rights and dignity of migrants in Hong Kong is humbling. Thank you for the opportunity to serve with loaves of bread. To learn more about and support Bethune House’s awe-inspiring work, click here!
POOF! Blown away in a hurricane to be nominated for ‘Moment of Comedy Gold‘ by the International Women’s Podcast Awards for my cheeky recipe for disaster, Bake Fail! The awards take place at The Conduit in Covent Garden, London Sept 29. Sadly, I won’t be able to attend in person but I look forward to setting my alarm for 4am (no, really!) to watch on Zoom! Thank you soooooooooo much to the IWPA judges, Amazon Music and Wondery, and the brilliant Skylark Collective!
The episode of my humour column for RTHK Radio 3, Sharp Pains, has already exceeded my wildest delusions this year after being chosen as an Official Select by the 2022 On Air Fest in Brooklyn, New York. It was published in the South China Morning Post as A Piece of Cake in June. Sharp Pains was also shortlisted for Best Regularly Scheduled Comedy Program by the 2022 New York Festivals Radio Awards. Thanks to everyone who has followed my escapades in the SCMP, on RTHK and YouTube!
HUGE thanks to the fantabulous South China Morning Post for publishing my latest humour column on gastro bores in the Food & Drink section of the SCMP’s Post Magazine on Sunday! I last appeared in the Foodie section of Post Mag in June (last month’s offering was a Rant!) with A Piece of Cake. More Moody Foodie humour soon!!!
Ever wondered what to do with food from the rotting tray besides waiting for it to slowly decompose before eventually throwing it away? Home Spa has the answer! It has just gone live on VYP! And by “just”, I mean 3-4 weeks ago. (Sorry.)
Catch up with missed episodes of Sharp Pains on RTHK Radio 3‘s 123 Show here! And look out for more humour columns (and the occasional Rant) in the SCMP! My latest, The Moody Foodie, was published in Post Magazine on Sunday! More foodie humour threatened soon!
I am bouncing off satellites to have been ‘matched’ as a mentor with dynamo of positive energy Eny Bawse by the Resolve Foundation! I met Eny for the first time this week and will be mentoring her on her journey with Resolve’s 2022 fellowship program and her incredible Self Love Cupid project. When that’s over, I am really hoping Eny will mentor me.
My humour column Sharp Pains was shortlisted by the 2022 New York Festivals Radio Awards in the Best Regularly Scheduled Comedy Program category… on April Fool’s Day… and being a fool (in any month) I totally missed it!!! It didn’t win (obvs) but being a humble 10 min monthly slot, I wasn’t even sure it qualified. The best I’d hoped for was that it might be shortlisted if the judges were feeling particularly generous/ concussed/ drunk – and luckily for me they were all of these things! The Bake Fail episode was also an Official Select of the 2022 On Air Fest in New York. I ❤️ NY!
Catch up with missed episodes of Sharp Pains on RTHK Radio 3‘s 123 Show here! And look out for more humour columns (and Rants) in Post Mag! It’s also playing on the Voice Your Passion poetry channel on YouTube!
Thanks to the South China Morning Post for publishing my ‘Rant‘ in last Sunday’s Post Magazine! I press buttons and rant the case for a new psychiatric term for ‘bipolar’. Your suggestions are welcome! Topping my shortlist is ‘Swingers’. It also has a double meaning, but at least it’s sexier than the spectre of nuclear attack…
Sharp Pains has been growing a new audience of poetry fans on the Voice Your Passion channel on YouTube! (Poetic injustice?) The Bake Fail episode has just gone live! My cheeky recipe for disaster was published in the SCMP’s Post Magazine as A Piece of Cake earlier this month. Catch up with missed episodes on RTHK Radio 3 here and look out for more humour columns (and the occasional Rant) in Post Mag!
Excited to be an ambassador for mental health charity Mind HK! Thanks to Odile, Vicki and the rest of the team for the encouragement and opportunity to train and swap stories with so many inspiring people!
There’s nothing I enjoy more in life than having a good rant! So thanks to editor Chris Wood for giving me an opportunity to have a cheeky ‘Bipolar Word’ in the ‘RANT’ section of the South China Morning Post‘s Post Magazine May 1st! This is the first opportunity the SCMP have given me to be anything other than a clown. I’m not suggesting ranting is bonafide journalism but it’s almost certainly the closest I’ll get to it.
Aiya! My editor just emailed to say my rant’s been bumped from Sunday’s mag for something that’s “time sensitive” (it better not be another u-turn on lifting Covid restrictions by Carrie Lam!!) He’s promised me faithfully my rant will be published “very soon”, so hopefully the following Sunday, the Sunday after that, or definitely by the end of 2027. Sorry!!
In the meantime, here are a couple of my old bipolar rants in SCMP articles I did not write myself…
A Piece of Cake has just been republished as a Recipe for Disaster in the online version of Post Mag! The story was originally published in the SCMP‘s Post Magazine April 3rd. It broadcasted as an episode of Sharp Pains on RTHK Radio 3 as Bake Fail and was an Official Select of the On Air Fest in March! More foodie humour soon! Look out for me in the SCMP’s Post Magazine this Sunday (Labour Day) with something a little bit different…
Today’s Bunny Run for Home Kong Kitchen was EPIC!!! Thanks to everyone who baked and donated melt-in-the-mouth hot crossed buns, melt-in-the-car cup cakes, melt-down-your-shirt choc chip muffins and melt-on-your-mask chocolate eggs, plus cookies, cuddly toys, painted eggs, mounds of bread and other thoughtful treats for our heart-melting homeless, migrant and refugee friends!
Honorable mentions go to Alana, Jean, the Neetu’s (1-10), Asha, Deepa, Amy, Roselle, Mags, Jess and Tina! I love you all! 💜 Happy Easter, Homies!🐣
As Hong Kong looks forward to catching up with the rest of the world and living with the virus by allowing groups of up to 4 people to dine out until 10pm (beaches remain closed though and you still have to wear a mask to hike by yourself on a mountain just in case), here’s one to try! Our inspirational friends @ImpactHK have just launched The Kind Kitchen, which employs the formerly homeless and provides them with on-the-job training and free housing. Please support the homeless by planning your next big night out until 10pm here! You won’t regret it! 🤩 🇭🇰
Usually, I steer away from committees, assuming I will be a liability, but last month I decided to commit to a minor role as Critique Group Coordinator on the Hong Kong Writers Circle‘s committee. This is my first experience of being on a committee and my second experience of being committed. In case you’re wondering ‘how is that possible?’ I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for a month in 2011. I’m hoping my experience on a psych ward will stand me in good stead for this demanding role. Question 1 to anyone interested in joining a critique group: ‘Do you know why you’re here?’ Nope? Good! Me neither.
Thanks to the South China Morning Post for publishing my recipe for disaster A Piece of Cake in last Sunday’s Post Magazine! Online version will be uploaded soon. You can hear my deranged radio version of this one on RTHK here!
Crazy scenes across Hong Kong for the past few months as the panic buying craze spread faster than the virus. Supermarkets and pharmacies stripped bare. Even things like toothpaste (?) Like brushing your teeth was going to put Omicron off! “Sorry, mate, your breath stinks like stale dog biscuits. I’m going to infect the woman behind you instead. Unlike you, she flosses, too,” Omicron didn’t say.
Last month, Home Kong Kitchen volunteer Mojo Hobo Kaye launched his campaign to ‘Make Hong Kong Barely Tolerable Again‘ by urging Hongkongers to ‘Stop the Woofing Panic Buying!’ He then stole and fraudulently used my credit card to purchase himself a new baseball cap emblazoned with his slogan. Yesterday, Carrie Lam announced that she would not be running for a second term as Chief Executive. Government sources refused to confirm or deny whether Mojo had influenced her decision. However, Junius Ho warned that Mojo’s hat might have contravened the National Security Law. Police are still investigating whether the poodle colluded with foreign forces when he purchased the cap on Amazon.
The empty shelves, soaring food prices and tough restrictions have been making things trickier at Home Kong Kitchen. But thanks to the dogged determination of HKK‘s incredible volunteers, we have somehow managed to keep operating and delivering home baked breakfasts, dry foods, canned foods and medical supplies to the homeless, migrants and refugees. Thanks to everyone who has generously contributed! Every humble delivery of just a few necessities has felt like a mini-miracle. We are now collecting gifts of food, clothing, books, toys and festive treats for our Easter Bun Run and would LOVE to have your support! Email firstname.lastname@example.org to find out how you can help!
My smoke alarm hasn’t stopped ringing this week! Thanks to the On Air Festival making it one of their Official Selects and support from the Women with WiPS, Bake Fail is the episode of my saucy humor column for RTHK Radio 3 that refuses to burn out. My culinary cautionary tale will be published in the ‘Foodie’ section of the South China Morning Post‘s Post Magazine April 3rd! Please check it out as I doubt I will have another opportunity to mention myself in the same sentence as ‘Foodie’.
Sharp Pains is taking a short sabbatical because my legendary partner in crime Noreen Mir is having a baby!!! You’d think she’d be put off extending her family by my columns but no, she told me she found them an aphrodisiac. The columns are now being repurposed as traditional Chinese medicine to beat Covid and boost population growth. But don’t worry – Sharp Pains will be back on the air before you’ve had time to notice it’s missing!
Thanks to everybody who has viewed, liked and shared Transference on YouTube, where it has just topped a whopping 8.5M Views!!! 8 is considered the luckiest number of all in Chinese culture, associated with wealth. As a gesture of goodwill and to pay the way for future film collaborations, I am marking this moment by writing director Raffaello Degruttola a cheque, immediately, for the sum of HK$8 (US$1.02), doubling his net worth! 😆
If you haven’t already seen it, you can view the feature-length film I was lucky enough to co-produce below!
Thanks to the Women with Whips, sorry WiPS, for giving me a cracking welcome to the Women in Publishing Society and plugging my writing, bake fails, and other obvious shortcomings on their Woman at Work platform! Can’t wait to whip up a frenzy of creative collaborations with these crazy, inspiring women! Just putting the final spit and polish (so far, just spit) on my submissions for this year’s Imprint anthology, Imprint 21, which will hopefully be launched (Covidy wavey things permitting) at an event at the FCC in November!
Thanks to the On Air Fest in Brooklyn, New York, for selecting the Bake Fail episode of my screwy humor column for RTHK Radio 3, Sharp Pains, as one of their 2022 Official Selects! So happy to have been included in this good vibes festival that emphasizes experimentation, a unique point of view, and explores storytelling and creativity in sound!✨
Hear me roar on the irrepressible Ran Elfassy‘s Shooting It Raw podcast, where I will be his 101 guest. His podcast has an intriguing photography element. He’s also a fellow Sai Kunger. Convenient… But that’s not why I’m doing it. He won me over with the line, “Did you know that each time you write ‘sorry’ to me, a tiger cub gets horrible and explosive diarrhea? It’s true. It’s SCIENCE!” It sounds just as credible as the rest of the science being applied in HK. 🤪
Transference has received over 5.2M views on YouTube! The bipolar love story by Raffaello Degruttola explores the corrosive impact unresolved mental health issues have on an obsessive relationship. The film was made with a lot of heart and features haunting performances by its two leads. I was lucky enough to co-produce it. If you’ve not checked it out, you can watch the whole thing for free here! #mentalhealthmatters #controventofilms #1091pictures #mentalideas
Thank you, Mona Lambe, for the laughter and the tears today, as I devoured your memoir of Johnny in one greedy sitting. You are incredible to have been able to set your own grief aside and to have woven your stories together in such a unique and clever way. You have created an extraordinary, breathtakingly honest, and often very funny celebration of his life and soul. I feel more blessed than ever to have shared a seminal chapter of my life with such a rare gift of a friend who kept me incapacitated with laughter and inspired by his presence. His infectious humor, joie d’vivre, passion, talent and spirit live on through you and this book.
Johnny touched so many lives. His life was packed with adventures and I am so grateful to have shared my most memorable ones with him. Johnny’s last film was Sailing Miss Sadie, in which we sailed to Venezuela with three young offenders from The Prince’s Trust.
We all need a good chuckle in Hong Kong at the moment! So thanks to Ian Yarrow for providing mine this morning!!! 🤣🤣🤣
In case you’re wondering, the photo is of me in costume as Wanda on the set of western film West of Thunder. I wasn’t about to pop to the shops to panic buy toilet paper or anything… 🤪
When the Government suddenly lowered the age range to offer free COVID vaccine jabs to anybody over 30 – which you’ll be surprised to learn I marginally surpassed – I felt like I’d just been handed a Golden Ticket for Willy Wonka’s Vaccine Factory! This was like chocolate, only better.
The process was amazingly slick. Smiling staff greeted me and walked me through each step of the journey. I got given free stickers, a pen, a keepsake souvenir brochure reminding me of my big day out and a lollypop for being particularly brave.
But my little bubble of bliss barely lasted 20 seconds. As I walked out, the crowd had turned inexplicably angry. I asked a harassed security guard what the problem was and he informed me that the vaccine I had received seconds earlier had been “permanently suspended for safety reasons”.
My stomach lurched, my heartbeat quickened, my vaccinated arm felt like it belonged to somebody else. 5 seconds ago I’d been in WonkaLand, finally having a decent day out worthy of the portmanteau ‘staycation’. Now I was going to have to spend the evening sawing my own arm off to prevent the rancid vaccine from spreading.
I checked my phone for a reassuring explanation, but the only advice I could find online was a vague appeal for calm by Hong Kong’s Chief Medical Officer urging recently vaccinated people “not to panic overly”. I was panicking alright. But I could not tell if I was panicking overly, underly, or just right for the situation.
It wasn’t until I was speed-walking home that explanations about cracked vials, faulty packaging and vaccines being stored at the wrong air pressure emerged in an avalanche of news alerts sent to my phone. As I trawled through them, the slight discomfort in my vaccinated arm was suddenly cancelled out by the primal face ache caused by a nose cracking, as mine made impact with a rogue lamppost.
I’d like to say the lamppost came out of our tussle worse off than I did and ended up looking something like this …
… Unfortunately, this is just a diagram of my sinuses.
Anyway, it turns out the vac was only suspended through an abundance of caution. I received my second jab today. As she jammed the needle in my arm, the nurse asked if I’d experienced any unpleasant side-effects from the first jab. “Only a broken nose,” I nasally assured her.
Can’t believe I’m writing this… RIP Reuben M Tuck! Truly one of the funniest, whip smart, joyous, down to earth (while never quite of this earth) and loveliest people on the planet. The undisputed star of my 2015 Bipolar Express doc and someone I had known since I was 18 (and he led me astray – or it might have been the other way round). He died peacefully at home in Thailand but was only 58. Absolutely heartbroken for his wife Normandy, his family and all those who loved him. FU 2020. RIP Rueb XX
You can hear Reuben talking about his bipolar with his trademark charisma, candor, humor and wisdom here:
So… a white American teacher in his mid-50s has been exposed by super-sleuth Nury Vittachi, Hong Kong’s answer to Danger Mouse, for posing as a young Chinese activist all over the world’s media, writing prolifically about his experiences as a student leader in the Hong Kong Protests for the New York Times and the Guardian, winning praise from ex-guv Chris Patten, being followed on Twitter by Joshua Wong and Nathan Law and writing several books about his experiences as a younger, better looking Chinese dude.
I myself have occasionally dabbled in the murky world of pseudonyms. My legal name is obviously Miss Adventure, but if I want to write, produce or present something that’s really sh*t, I will invariably use the pseudonym Sadie Kaye. The tragic thing is that Sadie Kaye, unlike Kong Tsung-gan, is a real person. Real as in really, really thick. It’s been 8 years and she hasn’t even noticed all the phony baloney I’ve been putting out as her. Also we both look quite similar because we were both born in a lighthouse on an artificial island 5 miles off the coast of Sai Kung, which makes my identity theft more legitimate somehow.
But this article does throw up some uncomfortable moral dilemmas. Who is the man in the profile picture? And does it count as yellow face if the picture is in black and white?
A last chance to appreciate the very great honor of having been ranked #1 for Comedy in Hong Kong by ReverbNation for the past 5 years.
Maybe it was my bipolar that caused me to do it? Maybe it was the mood of collective irresponsibility that’s been sweeping Hong Kong? But I did it anyway. After receiving one (of nineteen) too many daily emails inviting me to pay USD$92 to submit my ‘music’ to the Online Farmsounds Music Festival, I snapped and deleted my ReverbNation account.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” ReverbNation counseled me. “Yes”
“Do you understand that if you do this, you won’t be able to recover your account?” ReverbNation cautioned me. “Yes”
“Do you understand that if you do this, all your stats, ratings and links will automatically expire?” ReverbNation warned me. “Yes”
“Did you know that you are ranked #1 for Comedy in Hong Kong?” ReverbNation changed tack, clearly alarmed by my unwavering determination to commit social media suicide. “Yes”
“Have you remembered to take your meds today?” ReverbNation reverted to doom-mongering concern. “Yes. Yes! YES!!!” I tapped manically.
It was only after purging my mac of every notification I had ever received from ReverbNation that I discovered I had also deleted 14,498 faithful followers: exciting, contemporary bands with names like #BatShitMetalFreak and #IPlayTunesOnSpoons. I wondered what they were doing. Probably applying to the Online Farmsounds Music Festival, I decided. Feeling inexplicably left out, I googled the Online Farmsounds Music Festival. They were only interested in country music. I didn’t much rate #BatShitMetalFreak’s or #IPlayTunesOnSpoons’ chances. Maybe it was worth paying the USD$92 to see if they fancied a Hong Kong horoscope?
14,498 faithful followers deleted. I felt a flicker of self-doubt. Had I remembered to take my meds today? I doubted that, too. At least I still had my Soundcloud fanbase. I logged into Soundcloud. 22 unfaithful followers stared back at me. 4 friends, 1 ex-stalker, 1 ex-mother-in-law, 14 randoms, my psychiatrist and The Dog.
To add pain to my punishment, I then had to manually delete 11,000 (out of 11,001) thrilling tweets automatically generated by ReverbNation documenting my historical radio slots, then every post I had ever not posted myself on the Miss Adventure Facebook Page, which was all of them.
Looking at my empty social media profiles, my index finger throbbing and badly deformed by repetitive strain injury, I felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. Out of morbid curiosity, I checked how many other comedy producers I’d out-ranked on ReverbNation for the past 5 years were based in Hong Kong. There was only one: SadiK aye, who’d never uploaded anything and couldn’t even be bothered to spell her own name, but ReverbNation had outrageously credited as “Lead Vocalist – Miss Adventure Band”.
10 minutes and 3 mood swings later, I felt a deep sense of peace.