Of all the faux pas I could be reasonably gagged and life imprisoned for under the HKSAR’s new, sweeping National Security Law, this month’s horoscopes in Hong Kong Buzz seemed the least subversive. So imagine my surprise when I received an email from editor Robin Bradbeer informing me that this month’s litany of criminally insane predictions had been personally approved by Friend To The Stars superfan Xi Jinpin, a Gemini, but banned by that bastion of democratic free speech, Google, for ‘violating its sexual content policy’?

My reaction was understandably seditious, as it had taken me a full five minutes to divine them. Luckily, the sticky situation was swiftly resolved when editor and plucky ex-lawyer Robin colluded with Bat Man and appealed. Then, when that failed, Jupiter threatened to post naked pictures of Google’s mum on Porn Hub.

Ahhh, I’ll miss this malarkey when the Great Firewall comes crashing down……

August 2020 Horoscopes by RTHK Radio 3’s ‘Miss Adventure’: Friend To The Stars