Of all the faux pas I could be reasonably gagged and life imprisoned for under the HKSAR’s new, sweeping National Security Law, this month’s horoscopes in Hong Kong Buzz seemed the least subversive. So imagine my surprise when I received an email from editor Robin Bradbeer informing me that this month’s litany of criminally insane predictions had been personally approved by Friend To The Stars superfan Xi Jinpin, a Gemini, but banned by that bastion of democratic free speech, Google, for ‘violating its sexual content policy’?
My reaction was understandably seditious, as it had taken me a full five minutes to divine them. Luckily, the sticky situation was swiftly resolved when editor and plucky ex-lawyer Robin colluded with Bat Man and appealed. Then, when that failed, Jupiter threatened to post naked pictures of Google’s mum on Porn Hub.
Ahhh, I’ll miss this malarkey when the Great Firewall comes crashing down……
Lockdown your daughters! Lockdown your sons! Lockdown your spouses! Lockdown your helpers! Lockdown your pets!
Miss Adventurehas finally clambered oh-so-elegantly out of that strange parallel universe she’s been inhabiting for the past couple of months (ok, she may have written most of these in a fit of predictive psychosis way back in 2019, when tear gas, rubber bullets and fire bombs were all we had to worry about – happy days!) to bring you THESE hurriedly updated, probably dangerously accurate Lockdown Lowdown predictions for the month ahead in her latest column for Hong Kong Buzz!
It’s both gratifying and petrifying that I very nearly predicted this one right! Penned the day before the 2016 UK referendumb and way before Trump took a dump on the world stage. There’s a lesson here…
DOGDAMMIT! If those gullible fools at Buzz don’t believe me, no one will… SO disrespectful to the stars!!! Next month I predict that Jupiter and a mystery blonde accomplice will come along and burn their building to the ground! TO THE GROUND!!!!!!!
Miss Adventure is a completely made up fictional character. She was born in 2012, when New York indie Summerhill TV produced an improvised skit with rock band Motorhead at Madison Square Garden. The episode aired on Funny or Die, where it (briefly) became FoD’s ‘Highest Rated Video – All Time‘. For the past few years, ‘Miss Adventure’ has shambled her way through regular comedy broadcasts on RTHK Radio 3. Any resemblance to Sadie Kaye is purely in your head, although they did meet once at a riot in Repulse Bay.