It’s unlikely to find favor in Westminster, as my figure is based on maths, but here’s my idea for the side of a bus in the next UK Gen Election: Abolish All MPs: Give 1M A Week to NHS! (650 MPs x GBP80,000 annual MP salary = 52M p/a or 1M a week). Spurious line of argument: proroguing parliament NOT to deliver No Deal Brexit but to give 1M a week to the NHS.
I may be tempted to think proroguing parliament was a bold strategic move if those responsible for it were not hell-bent on denying it had anything at all to do with Brexit. Takes the credit right out of it!
It’s both gratifying and petrifying that I very nearly predicted this one right! Penned the day before the 2016 UK referendumb and way before Trump took a dump on the world stage. There’s a lesson here…
Be careful what you don’t wish for!
Ahh, that’s it.
So, Fake News may have had its ‘Brexit Day’ broadcast date rescheduled thrice, thanks to chaos in Westminster, but you can still feast your ears on the Fake News theme! Composed by the incredible Nick Samuel, an artist and a gentleman. It’s been a 3 year labour of love/ hate (mainly hate). But the wait could be nearly over.
FAKE NEWS THEME
And so it begins… I must be hallucinating, right?
#90s Time Warp #Bogus Bojo’s Brexcellent Adventure! #Dude or Die
In 2017 I began producing & ‘co-presenting’ (as myself and Sadie Kaye) a one-hour comedy podcast, Fake News. The mockumentary sees me embark on an unlikely adventure in the USA with US President Donald Trump and the t*t he’s referred to as “Mr. Brexit”, Nigel Farage. The podcast will air on ‘Brexit Day’. (
March 29, 2018, May 31, 2018, April 1, 2019, Oct 31, 2019? ???) Stay tuned for teasers some time before the next millennium!!!
My predictions for the UK:
2016 Britain breaks from Europe
2017 Scotland breaks from Britain
2018 Northern England breaks from Britain and joins Scotland. Northern Ireland considers joining Eire, before a referendum decides that they join Scotland
2019 Wales declares itself a sovereign state. Two weeks later, North Wales declares itself a separate sovereign state to South Wales
2020 What’s left of England reverts to Wessex
2021 Cornwall revolts and declares independence from Wessex. Devon and Somerset follow. Jacob Rees-Mogg proclaims himself King of Somerset
2022 London’s Eurocrats declare London a province of France and the former Capital becomes known as Northern North France. Hackney revolts and joins Syria
2023 The Prime Minister declares Winchester the Capital of Wessex
2024 Scotland invades Wessex and Glaswegian becomes all former Britons’ mother tongue
My predictions for the US:
2016 Trump triumphs and is declared the most powerful man on earth
2017 California revolts and declares itself Greater Mexico. Meanwhile, New York joins Canada
2019 Florida declares itself a province of Cuba
2020 Sarah Palin declares Alaska a province of neighboring Russia
2020 Trump is declared the most powerful man in his bathroom
The Entire Democratic World:
2020 Teenagers, realizing Democracy is in crisis, declare their bedrooms independent sovereign states of which they are the sovereigns
2025 We must carry a passport at all times, just to move from room to room in our own homes
Democracy. It’s a wonderful thing. We must never lose it. What would Kim Jong-un have to laugh at then?